For much of last Spring and the Summer I really enjoyed feeling the security of knowing what I would be doing with the coming year. When asked if I knew where I'd be, I'd almost-shy-ly respond "Yeah, I'm going to law school." Little did I know that this supposed security I felt would go straight out the window the day that Orientation started.
There is nothing secure about being in law school right. (except maybe the fact that I'm in, but truthfully, I doubt that reality every single day during at least 1 of my classes).
- For the first time in 4 years, I'm having to start from scratch with making friends. This is a really odd phenomenon. Don't get me wrong, I am one to make new friends quite easily and have done so every year of college and over my summers; but something about making friends now at school seems very intentional - dare I say, almost too intentional. Our PAs (peer advisors) put together several social activities and events with the purpose of our section getting to know each other better. They have been fun and great but I often have to mentally convince myself to go so that I can try to get to know these people better. I just remember the days of living in dorms and going to FYF and making friends organically. So, I'll admit, I've recently felt the sentiment that I felt in 6th grade when I pulled a chair up to the preppy-lily-pullitzer-wearing-bellhaven girls' table in the cafeteria and was ignored for all of that lunch period. It just feels weird. These people are really great and I DO really like them...it'll just take time to feel comfortable with this "new friends" thing.
- Another insecurity about law school is the whole CLASS business. A friend asked me if the cold calls are like in Legally Blonde? Well, dear reader, they are, and they are SO much worse. I worked hard in college - ask any of my friends. However, I am definitely working a LOT harder now. There is no such thing as half-assing a reading. There is no such thing as accidentally skipping a class. There is no such thing as grabbing lunch with a friend in the middle of the day across Grounds just b/c... All free time is spent in the Library or in some other studious setting with a large book in front of you. (And that, is 1 reason that I haven't written in awhile...but I am choosing to make the time from here on out!)
- And thirdly, my insecurities about this "new beginning" stretch to the effect of being in Cville again. Charlottesville is a town that I love and adore. I really really feel at home here. I know the streets like the back of my hand. I know the venues, the people, the way that Cville people roll. It's just such a comfortable place for me. And yet, I somehow have to make it new. I am fortunate, SO very lucky, to have this comfort and furthermore to know so many people who are still living in cville. I just worry about it becoming a balancing act. When should I hang out w/ Law people versus when I should see college people. I actually found myself at a Frat party this past Thurs night. ME...at a Frat party?! Seriously? I haven't done that since 2nd year. But oh well.
Change is good. I've never been SUPERIOR at it. But I've gotten better and I know that change is and can be a very positive thing. I hope to grow and get more acclimated with this new chapter in my life daily.
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