I am BLOGGING again!

So I obviously haven't written in awhile. And, honestly, I'm not going to bring you fully up to speed on what my life's been like this year. What's the point? It'll be too long of a post filled with melodramatic blah and maybe a few too many cliches. (Oh wait, this post will probably become that anyways).

In fact, I bet I don't have any readers left out there so we'll see what this rejuvenation of the blog becomes?!

I've been learning a lot this year. I think I've been forced to grow up in really important ways and when I step back and see how far I've come since last July, I know that I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I used to be but I also fear I am falling so far behind. That's all cryptic and good but all I mean to say is that last year at this time, I knew who I was. I was confident and relatively happy. I had just graduated from UVA with my best friends in the world. I had published a thesis on a topic that fascinated me. I knew where I was headed; grad school was right around the corner. I was taking the summer off to relax and just enjoy. And I knew where my friends were going to be - only mildly spread out amongst VA, MD, DC and a few sprinkled elsewhere.

Now, I find myself in a rather different place. I am ecstatic that I survived my first year of law school. People talk about it being the hardest year of your life - and while I believe that I was certainly academically challenged and that it was in fact the hardest year of my life (to this point), I (and those close to me) know that it's not because of school. So even though I've survived the infamously bad year, I still have a lot of things hanging over me. There are problems that are not my own but so deeply infiltrate my own day-to-day existence and there are issues and drama that I have created for myself (unfortunately) which haunts me every day. I have never wanted to run away from my own life so much and run away from the people that I care about - sadly, I don't even say that figuratively but I sometimes mean that I wish I could dye my hair purple, pierce my nose, get a sleeve tattoo, and move to another country.

I know, I know. Running away is not an answer to anything. And whomever you are, dear reader, rest assured, I won't be running anywhere. I know that people in my life depend on me and it would be too cruel and too selfish to just get up and walk away.

I've known this for a long time but I was reminded of it recently, I want to live my life where I do affect people and I do feel affected by them. Otherwise, it is a sad existence to walk this earth and not leave an impact and not feel like you are somehow challenged or furthered by those who pop in and out of our lives.

So even though I'm not incredibly happy right now and even though I cry myself to sleep most nights because for the first time in my life since middle school (when I didn't fit in with the country-club-ribbon-wearing-lax-star girls) I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, maybe I should just come to terms with that being okay. I can't make myself comfortable and all better in one day or one month or one year. And that is okay too. Maybe I don't even need to think of making myself "better." I am who I am, and if I'm unhappy more than I am happy these days....at least I'm still feeling and at least I'm still being real to myself with how I feel.

Sorry for being emo and welcome back to my blog!